When Kids Leave…
No one prepares you for the day that your tiny bundle of joy leaves the nest. No one gives you advice about how you will feel when that tiny little baby that you just delivered in the hospital says, “Mom, I’m moving…far away.”
Today, I dropped my second oldest off at the bus station so he could take a bus to an airport in New Jersey and fly to Florida. I was so proud of him. There he goes—the child I raised to be a good man—off to leave his mark on the world.
His comical personality will now be shared with people beyond our large family. No, I didn’t want to share that part of him with others. He was always the one coming up with the most creative ideas, the one his siblings rushed to copy.
As much as I wanted to hate the idea of him leaving, I knew he had to go so he could grow into the man God wants him to be.
The independence and confidence he exuded as he hugged me, then turned and walked into the station, stayed with me. I watched, tears falling—sadness for myself, happiness for him.
I can do this.
I really felt like I could. I wanted to be able to let him go, but my heart hurt. I spent the car ride crying. How had this day come so quickly? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was teaching him how to ride a bike, or holding his hand to cross the road? I blinked, and now he was off.
I came home hoping to enjoy the children still living at home, only to have my oldest approach me—cautious, yet excited—to tell me about his decision to move to Utah in just three weeks. I still remember the first time I dropped him off at Vacation Bible School, how he chased me to the door, crying because he didn’t want me to leave.
Why was my oldest going so far away? When would I see him again?
This is where I completely lost it. Two children leaving within weeks of each other. How was I ever going to be able to do this three more times?
“Goodbyes are not forever, are not the end; it simply means I’ll miss you until we meet again.”
To any mom whose children are old enough to leave the nest—I know you can relate. This is a new chapter of life, and it can be completely terrifying. Change is terrifying, but it can also be the step your child needs—and, as much as you don’t want to hear it, the step you need too.
No, I don’t want to hear this. My heart hurts. I just need time to get through it.
Think about it—this is almost like a death. Except that it isn’t, because you will see your child again. And yet, something does end: a season, a version of motherhood, the daily closeness you once knew.
According to the Webster Dictionary, the term empty nester refers to “a parent whose children have grown and moved away from home.” While this stage of life may initially seem negative, there are also several positives to children leaving home. Both the challenges and benefits of becoming an empty nester are worth exploring.
First, there are a few negatives to consider. You may feel very sad or even depressed at first. It can seem as though you’ve lost your sense of purpose. You go from being constantly needed—cooking meals, cleaning, and helping with homework—to sitting at a nearly empty table with just you and your spouse. While being alone with your spouse is not a bad thing, it is certainly a different vibe and can take time to adjust to.
Another challenge is the loss of control. You must learn to trust that your child is now in charge of their own life and responsible for their own decisions. This transition can bring feelings of regret, such as worrying that you didn’t provide enough guidance or positive influence while they were growing up. It may feel as though time has run out to correct past mistakes, which can be a difficult emotion to face.
Despite these challenges, there are many positives to this new stage of life. One of the most important benefits is the opportunity for you, as a mom, to rediscover yourself. This is likely something you haven’t had the time to think about in a very long while. What are your interests? You may enjoy exploring new hobbies and discovering what excites you now.
Another positive is the chance to refocus on your spouse. Think about it—when was the last time you spent true quality time together? This stage of life may offer the opportunity to take a trip together or even start a new hobby that you both enjoy.
Finally, when children move out, you may find that your relationship with them actually improves. Living apart creates healthy distance, and as the saying goes, distance makes the heart grow fonder.
So, from one mom to another, this is a difficult time—but it is not the end. Instead, it is the beginning of a beautiful new adventure. Chin up, moms! Things will get better as time goes on and you adjust.
Fab Five together for the last time before the oldest two head out into the world.
